two birds with one bullet

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I love Modern Family. I watch laughing so hard tears roll down my face! Every single character is hilarious but I think the best lines come from Gloria.

Here are my top 11 fave Gloria quotes aka Gloriaisms aka

the world according to Gloria Delgado-Pritchett:

  1. Manny: “I wanna be home schooled.”
    Gloria: “Really, Manny? Do you want me to learn you English?”
  2. “It tastes bad in my mouth. It’s like a fish and a turkey beat themselves to death with a pepper.” (Gloria is referring to Jay’s favourite diner sandwich)
  3. “Jay won’t let me help with his business, and now Manny won’t let me help with his homework. It’s so frustrating. I have all the answers!”
  4. Claire: “None of you believe me so I got proof. You should all be sucking it right now!”
    Gloria: “Claire, please, enough with the sucking it! They’re children!”
  5. Jay takes Gloria to a mausoleum to look at burial plots: “Ta-da is for when you do a flip or where the magician cuts the pretty lady in half, not when you show someone where you want to shove their dead body.”
  6. Gloria is advising Phil on his fight with Claire: “You didn’t do one thing wrong, you did everything wrong! I wonder how she still talks to you. A woman is never okay with this. We wait, and when you least expect it, we make you pay.”
  7. “In Colombia, you can’t go to the hospital for every little sniffle or dislocated shoulder.”
  8. “In my culture, mothers are very clingy to their sons. In fact, the leading cause of death among Colombian women is when their sons get married. But I’m not like that.”
  9. Gloria hates Manny’s poncho: “The poncho by itself is fine. The poncho plus the flute plus the stupid dance? My son will die a virgin.”
  10. Gloria is talking about the phrase dog-eat-dog world: “That doesn’t make any sense! Who wants to live in a world where dogs eat each other? Doggy-dog world is a beautiful world filled with little poh-pees.”
  11. Haley hosts a party at Jay & Gloria’s house and complains when Manny is announced as the chaperone. Gloria replies that it’s like killing “two birds with one bullet”

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