a question a day in may | seven

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day 7 question

what was the saddest moment in your life?

Everyone sheds tears from heartache; whether it’s self inflicted or you’ve been effected by someone else.

Although I’ve lost people that I’ve loved through death (grandparents, friends, uncles, aunts & pets) or friendship has faded, I’m fortunate that for the most part I haven’t lost the people closest to me (hubby, Mum, brother, best friends) with the exception of my Dad.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the saddest moments in my life so far. It’s tough to pick a moment where everything seems so terrible that it will never get better, where the world has collapsed and you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m a pretty happy person. Sure I have my moments but I consciously work on keeping my soul balanced (due to a lot of mental instability in my family); to keep my head above water and embrace and work through my choices and events in life.

Thinking of all this, I can’t pinpoint one truly distinguishing ‘saddest moment’. But in terms of an event that has defined me, the kind of sadness that changes your whole being, well that would have to be the events surrounding my parent’s marriage breakdown and my father leaving. This happened in my early 20s and it stuffed me up for a while; in my friendships, my relationship with Jay, my health and weight, my daily decisions. Now that I’ve come out the other side, I have hindsight; I understand that to deal with being the “strong one” for my mother and brother and the mediator between my parents, I became the complete opposite of my natural self. I made terrible decisions that were harmful to me and effected my relationships. One of my close girlfriends told me once that I became “toxic” to be around.
But at the time I didn’t see it; I was the eye of the storm.

So I guess I’m answering the question in a round-about way…I’ve been melodramatic and sad and thrown tantrums but I can’t say I’ve had one standout moment of utter despair and sadness, but I’ve had a period in my life where a course of events effected me so deeply that I changed. I changed into a terrible person and then into a better person.

At least, I’d like to think I have!

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3 thoughts on “a question a day in may | seven

  1. My heart crys knowing the anguise we as parents caused you. Thank you for turning out to be the most beautiful, outstanding and amazing woman – MY DAUGHTER. My love will always be with you, unconditionally.

  2. the organisations’ worerks were urgently trying to reach flood areas in the northwest cut off from food supplies, which a UN aid agency said devastated the lives of over 3 million people.Before the floods hit, a million people were already forced from their homes in the Pakistani northwest because of fighting between the army and Taliban militants.If the floods deepen the problem, it could set back government efforts to get the people back home in a bid to help stabilise nuclear-armed US ally Pakistan. “We have sent a request to the government and we are getting six helicopters from them and we will be doing air drops to the areas which are cut off,” Jamal told Reuters in a telephone interview.WFP teams in the field since Tuesday may not be able to report their findings until Wednesday night, he said.“You can imagine for five or six days floods have caused havoc in these areas. People have lost their food stocks. The markets are not up and running. Shops have collapsed. People are definitely in the greatest need of food,” he said.“That’s what we fear. The need to rush to those areas which have been cut off for the past week to provide them with life-saving food.”The flood catastrophe, which started a week ago and has killed more than 1,400 people, is likely to deepen as more rains are expected. A feared breakout of water-borne diseases such as cholera would create a health crisis.The disaster has also, once again, called into question the leadership of Zardari, already hampered by problems ranging from a stubborn Taliban insurgency, widespread poverty to chronic power cuts.“A lot of agriculture-based activities have gone under water. So people may not be able to harvest or even sow their crops. This is a food crisis,” said Jamal.“This region was already under the highest food insecurity status and the floods have further aggravated the situation.”CRISESZardari’s administration has faced a cascade of crises over the last few weeks, from the worst ever domestic plane crash on the edge of the capital to leaked reports on Islamabad’s alleged support for militants battling US troops in Afghanistan, to diplomatic rows with Britain.Adding to the pressure, Islamist charities, some tied to militant groups allied with the Taliban and al Qaeda, are competing with the government to provide aid to the affected areas, boosting their credibility and support among the populace at the government’s expense.A similar dynamic occurred after the 2005 Kashmir eathquake, which killed almost 75,000 people according to official figures.Pakistani civilians who resettled after being forced to flee fighting in the northwest now face fresh uncertainty after the floods. Some had just gone back, hoping to start a new life.

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