a confession of criminal behaviour

Opening other people’s mail is a crime.

I know that. You know that. The two guys who previously worked at Australia Post and who are now facing a jail sentence for stealing $60k of other people’s stuff know that. But that didn’t stop me from accidentally opening some guy’s birthday card the other day. It was by total accident. I swear.

We’ve been in our townhouse for 6 months now, and I have been diligently return-addressing dozens of letters to the previous tenants. After a couple of months of doing this, I even bound a bunch in elastic bands and dropped them off at the real estate office to forward on. When they kept coming, I just return-address them and pop them back in the post.

Jay gets incredibly frustrated with this process, because we are so diligent about our forward addressing – we paid for a redirection service from the Post office and worked through a huge list of every bill/service/company we needed to change address with and did it. Jay tells me a couple of months is enough of “return to sender” and I should just bin anything that comes through the letter box. But I would like to think that other people would do the same for me…

Anyway, on to my federal offence. The other day I got home, checked the mail and walked in with an unusually large stack of mail; a few bills, Boystown lottery, take-away menus, etc. The phone rings as I’m walking through the door, mail in my mouth, laptop in one hand, a bag of groceries in the other and Harley greeting me frantically. It was one of my engineers, so I took the call which lasted a while and proceeded to talk to him and put stuff down, calm Harley, take my shoes off and open the mail. On autopilot, I didn’t even see who the letter was addressed to; but I thought ‘who the hell is Aunty Maaureen’??? And spelt with two aa’s? Then I realised what I’d done! Shit shit shit. I’ve just committed a felony. And there was no return address to try and stick the envelope back together and send back to Aunty Maaureen with the postmark from the UK.

I’m super sorry that I opened David’s mail. And I hope he knows that Aunty Maaureen is thinking of him on his birthday. And I wonder why he hasn’t told his dear aunt he’s moved house 6 months ago.

That reminded me of a story my work friend Orks told me (no, he’s not a evil creature from the depths of Mordoor, but a lovely Turk named Okan who we call Orks for short). December ’09 he sent a Christmas card to a family friend from his little family wishing seasons greetings and all of that lovely sentiment. About 2 weeks later he got a letter back from the new owners of the house saying that while the ‘Smith’ family didn’t live there anymore as they had recently sold their place to this guy (let’s just call him Mr Crazy) that Mr Crazy and his family would accept his seasons greetings and were sending back their well wishes to Orks’ family. He then proceeded to tell them how they were going settling into their new home. Um, weird. And obviously illegal. And an obvious mastering of being illegally weird.

It just goes to show that

a) there are really strange people in this world who are only a 60c stamp away
b) people are actually opening mail not addressed to them (and on purpose!)
c) you should most definitely change your address when you move house

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2 thoughts on “a confession of criminal behaviour

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