attraversiamo

Attraversiamo. It’s Italian for Cross Over.

I’ve mentioned my best friend Gracie and her penchant for self-discovery previously on my blog. She recently emailed me some inspirational thoughts that I’m pretty sure she took away from her last self-actualisation course. This was one of them;

“We can’t bring 2010 back, or the year before that.  Let us cross over to new things: Love, Passion, Forgiveness & Purpose!”

I have to  admit that by nature, I find change really difficult. It’s taken me a long time and a lot of conscious effort to be okay when things, circumstances or relationships change. It’s still not second nature to me but I find that I am a lot less resistant to it now. I have come to understand that through the process of getting older, maturing and developing in both my personal and professional life, I’ve come to look at change as an opportunity rather than a limitation.

But you can’t force a time limit on someone’s acceptance of change. What may take one person a split-second to accept, may take another person a few weeks to accept a change. All people deal with change differently; I for example usually verbally accept and then spend the next few hours/days thinking/worrying about it in great detail until I come back around to fully accepting it and feeling comfortable about it.

Something that is very personal to me is the decline of my relationship with my Dad. When he split up with my Mum (horribly with another woman, his psychologist if you can believe it!) in 2001 I didn’t really have time to mourn their separation for a long time as I was too busy being strong for my Mum who was in the throes of an emotional melt-down and for my brother who went so far off the track that he’s only now just coming back. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my pain manifested in other ways; I became self destructive with my actions in my own life which lead to a (short) breakup between Jay & I (this was a few years before we were married).

Many emotional hiccups and years later, I can honestly say that I am at peace with my decision to cut him out of my life. He’s my father and I still love him, but I have realized that I love the person that he used to be, and that the person he is today is so far removed from that honest loving man, that it’s destructive to me for him to be a person in my life. There came that point (and trust me, the stories that lead to this point are horrific) that I had to decide that for me to become an emotionally healthy person, I had to let him go. That process literally took me 5 years.

Still, there are times when I think about him, usually around his or my birthday, and get teary about the what-could-have-beens, but generally I have accepted this monumental change in my life and am constantly moving on.

You know what they say about us being the sum of our experiences. I often think of this phrase; Never close the book. Just turn the page.

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4 thoughts on “attraversiamo

  1. I made them up! The statements. Of course that one came after watching Eat Pray Love (attraversiamo!) but they were all for different people all the things I wanted to say to them but didn’t have the guts! Some wisdom comes from always trying to find urself! Hee hee. What a journey it has been. U’ve been incredibly brave, strong, courageous, (painful at times) 😉 and become incredibly beautiful. Thank u for not being bitter & twisted, acceptance is the key, because sometimes it too hard to forgive. Xoxo. Love u mucho! mucho!

  2. My beautiful darling. We shed tears together as we spoke of this the other night, and now here you are bearing it to the world to read, how brave you are exposing your feelings. I still had tears on reading it and love you for the strength and conviction you have. Although am sad at the fact that your Dad is not in your life. His loss in not knowing and seeing the beautiful woman you have become. xoxo

  3. I like that last bit, because I believe in never saying never. There are lots of pages to come and they haven’t been mucked up yet ^^ You’ve been so strong so far, you will continue on to make each page better than the last.

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